At least it goes to charity?
Not FROM the heart. That's even worse.
Bob Dylan says that all the proceeds to this album go to charity, specifically, solving world hunger. Well, as my dad said, “They all say that, and yet there’s still world hunger.” Right on, dad. But while Dylan is out “doing good” with this album, he doesn’t mention the true reason this album is worth the price of admission: you can drop fifteen dollars into UNICEF and receive the satisfaction derived from doing good, OR you can drop your fifteen dollars into purchasing Christmas in the Heart and gain endless hours of entertainment, for what Bob Dylan never mentions is that, in this case, charity and hilarity come hand in hand. And Christmas in the Heart provides hilarity in huge dollops.
You pop the album on, and you hear the quintessential sounds of Christmas music: slick sounding production, smooth choral harmonies, sleigh bells. Indeed, it sounds like a throwback to the better days when Bing Crosby or Nat King Cole dominated Christmas. Then, the voice comes, and while I understand that some defend Dylan’s voice these days, saying that he chugs along admirably after all these years, those that say his voice is good are lying. Those that say his voice suits Christmas have consumed the Kool-Aid.
What saves the album, ultimately, is Dylan’s confidence in his song, though it is a VERY misguided confidence. He sings with such conviction, regardless of whether he sings the proper melody, or proper lyrics. In “Here Comes Santa Claus,” he opens right up with pronouncing the word “lane” with an emphasis I’ve never heard on the word, and likely never will hear again. Dylan doesn’t do anything egregiously wrong on “Hark the Herald Angels Sing,” and it’s clear he knows the song, but his voice in juxtaposition to angels makes me chuckle. Hearing him strain to sing, “angelic” makes the song. He sounds like he’s that guy that crashes a party and forces himself into every photo (melody) in “The First Noel”–and that party is the church choir party. Finally, I’m convinced he DOES NOT KNOW the true words or melody to “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.” In a way, it feels like grandpa scratching to relive his childhood Christmas memories–an idyllic early studio soundtrack plays over a scene of hot drinks enjoyed by a warm fireplace–but only if grandpa has a penchant for going somewhere, forgetting where he was going, becoming very confused, but rolling with it anyway.
In the end, this Christmas, if you want to get in the spirit, you may be best served listening to something else. But if you want something to laugh about for years to come, regardless of the season, pop on Christmas in the Heart. Oh yeah, the proceeds go to charity…
Here Comes Santa Claus – Bob Dylan (YSI)
Hark the Herald Angels Sing – Bob Dylan (YSI)
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas – Bob Dylan (YSI)
