The Animal Show » WTF

You guys, I think R. Kelly likes sex.

Edward — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 16:03:39 +0000

Sweet God, is he watching me?

Last August, R. Kelly released a new single off his then-upcoming sure-to-be-great album Untitled, “Number One,” a song whose beat was so cringingly bad, Robert Sylvester Kelly provided his own dj drops as a half-assed gesture at a chorus. It would have just been bad, but its lyrics (and accompanying music video, though that’s a discussion for another day) salvaged the musical wreckage. The first time I heard it, I laughed out loud — and it turns out that’s the best barometer for judging R.’s songs. I don’t want to ruin the surprise, but keep your ears perked up towards the end. Turns out he’s got a Latin lover. Aye papi!

It turns out that detail is just the sort that R. Kelly uses to spice up his songs (as if they could get any spicier!). Because, as the singles continued to roll off of Untitled, the innuendo multiplied to such a point that the man has legitimately become a pastiche of himself. I’m sure that everyone remembers back in 2002, shortly after R. Kelly had been indicted for child pornography, when Dave Chappelle unleashed his hilarious and a little too close-to-the-bone R. Kelly parody music video, “I Wanna Piss On You.” It was crass and a little too direct. So, it turns out, is R. Kelly.

Single number two, which you’ve certainly heard regardless of whether or not the dulcet drops of “Number One” have made it to your ears, was “Echo.” You know, the one with the yodeling chorus? Well, I counted, and he says “sex” 17 times in that song. Also, he has a very obviously censored swear word 3 times, plus one “hit it” in place of that curse which this blog is too delicate for. That makes 21 in total. Almost double the 11 times the word “sex” is used in “Number One.” Impressive, or just pathetic?

Well, it would be hard to make an informed decision before evaluating all the evidence, because the next single off the album makes “Echo” and “Number One” seem like material appropriate for a Baby Einstein developmental tape. This song’s title is “Pregnant,” and its opening line may be enough to turn you off of popular music altogether. In the first thirty seconds of the song, R. Kelly says “girl, you make me want to get you pregnant” or some variation thereof 4 times, while the background vocals of “knock you up” play twice.

Truth. Beauty. Grace. R. Kelly has it all, ladies and gentlemen. I probably would try not to stand too close to him, though.

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Number One – R. Kelly (YSI)

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Echo – R. Kelly (YSI)

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Pregnant – R. Kelly (YSI)

Rock is off to a shitty start in 2010

marquismeowmersiv — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 22:54:12 +0000

This guy was both an asshole and a musical genius. I choose to celebrate both of these personality traits in the wake of his passing.

Well, I hope that new Vampire Weekend album is REALLY good, because rock just lost one of its catchiest figures. Rest in peace Jay Reatard, and by “peace” I mean a hovel with lots of heroin and coke readily available for consumption. Despite your jerk-like character flaws, you managed to produce some of the most awesome punk music in your early career with the Reatards, and some of the catchiest and most lyrically aggressive garage-inspired rock in your later solo career. You and The Black Lips guided me down the path to 60’s and 70’s garage rock salvation. And despite buying quite a few of your albums, I feel like the most appropriate way to commemorate your career is to post a poorly written blog post about you and post some of your songs.

Jay Reatard: 1980-2010… I hope you get to meet G.G Allen in heaven.

Songs after el Jumpo

Jay Reatard – Not A Substitute (Blood Visions) (YSI)

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Jay Reatard – Hammer I Miss You (06 – 07 Singles Collection) (YSI)

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Jay Reatard – My Reality (Watch Me Fall) (YSI)

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At least it goes to charity?

Dave — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 15:15:51 +0000

Not FROM the heart. That's even worse.

Bob Dylan says that all the proceeds to this album go to charity, specifically, solving world hunger. Well, as my dad said, “They all say that, and yet there’s still world hunger.” Right on, dad. But while Dylan is out “doing good” with this album, he doesn’t mention the true reason this album is worth the price of admission: you can drop fifteen dollars into UNICEF and receive the satisfaction derived from doing good, OR you can drop your fifteen dollars into purchasing Christmas in the Heart and gain endless hours of entertainment, for what Bob Dylan never mentions is that, in this case, charity and hilarity come hand in hand. And Christmas in the Heart provides hilarity in huge dollops.

You pop the album on, and you hear the quintessential sounds of Christmas music: slick sounding production, smooth choral harmonies, sleigh bells. Indeed, it sounds like a throwback to the better days when Bing Crosby or Nat King Cole dominated Christmas. Then, the voice comes, and while I understand that some defend Dylan’s voice these days, saying that he chugs along admirably after all these years, those that say his voice is good are lying. Those that say his voice suits Christmas have consumed the Kool-Aid.

What saves the album, ultimately, is Dylan’s confidence in his song, though it is a VERY misguided confidence. He sings with such conviction, regardless of whether he sings the proper melody, or proper lyrics. In “Here Comes Santa Claus,” he opens right up with pronouncing the word “lane” with an emphasis I’ve never heard on the word, and likely never will hear again. Dylan doesn’t do anything egregiously wrong on “Hark the Herald Angels Sing,” and it’s clear he knows the song, but his voice in juxtaposition to angels makes me chuckle. Hearing him strain to sing, “angelic” makes the song. He sounds like he’s that guy that crashes a party and forces himself into every photo (melody) in “The First Noel”–and that party is the church choir party. Finally, I’m convinced he DOES NOT KNOW the true words or melody to “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.” In a way, it feels like grandpa scratching to relive his childhood Christmas memories–an idyllic early studio soundtrack plays over a scene of hot drinks enjoyed by a warm fireplace–but only if grandpa has a penchant for going somewhere, forgetting where he was going, becoming very confused, but rolling with it anyway.

In the end, this Christmas, if you want to get in the spirit, you may be best served listening to something else. But if you want something to laugh about for years to come, regardless of the season, pop on Christmas in the Heart. Oh yeah, the proceeds go to charity…

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Here Comes Santa Claus – Bob Dylan (YSI)

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Hark the Herald Angels Sing – Bob Dylan (YSI)

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Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas – Bob Dylan (YSI)

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The First Noel – Bob Dylan (YSI)

When 8-bit goes bad.

Dave — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 14:49:41 +0000

'Nuff said.

Several things help us connect to older, simpler times. Some of us like to retreat to wide open fields located in remote reaches of the worlds; a lot of us still like people. Some others like to go one step more remote and try to remember the days when Weezer was good; a lot of us know better. For me, remembering those simple times comes back to one thing: 8-bit.

I remember the first time I played Nintendo, pushing Mario to walk or run using only the four directions the controller allowed you to. Who were we fooling? We could only really use two of those directions anyway. Those were days when things could only move forward or backward (on the screen, right or left), and when bumping your head on something didn’t hurt you, but gave you a chance to grow bigger and stronger, if only temporarily. Oh, 8-bit.

And the music! Always music, always stuck in your head much beyond hitting the off switch on the game. Always sounding more modern today than the day it was born, many only blossoming into themselves in this more modern age, with new spins on “old” ideas. Futurity, I say. 8-bit had it. That’s why I love the Gameboy Variations of Beck’s Guero so much. That’s why I like cheap MIDI covers of songs.

But 8-bit has a dark side. It’s not black, but rather, kind of blue. Or as the creators like to say, “Kind of Bloop.” I had this conversation with the project’s visionary, Andy Bajo, in my own head:

Me: Andy, I’ve listened to “Kind of Bloop” now. So tell me, why did you decide to take a shit all over a classic album like “Kind of Blue?”

Andy:

Me: Okay, so maybe I phrased that a bit strongly. Let’s try this: how did you decide on 8-bit as the perfect medium to castrate the soul of Miles Davis?

Andy:

Me: Fine. Probably still coming on a bit harshly. Why does–

Andy: BLAEEEEEEEEERRRGGGGHHHH.

He screamed this as he put up his finger and pointed right at me, staring blankly past me into the unknown beyond. You see, it seems our friend Andy Bajo was really pod-person Andy Bajo. I took a shovel and jack handle and did his head in. Then, checking franticly around me, I ran away as quickly as I could with no apparent direction because if I didn’t the rest of the pod people would find me.

That was all in my head though. You can hear the actual reasons for the project here, or contribute to it here. The truth of the matter is that Miles’s music simply loses dimension in 8-bit. It all seems a bit flat, a bit two dimensional. Perhaps this should be unsurprising. The real Miles Davis would roll over in his grave, but movement in that dimension is impossible in the 8-bit world.

But with 8-bit, you take the good and the bad (and I have a few covers listed below to reflect it). I have to. It’s deliverance. It’s futurity.

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Firebrand Boy – Such Great Heights (Postal Service Cover) (YSI)

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the 486 kid – Sweet Chip of Mine (Guns ‘N Roses Cover) (YSI)

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Shamikaizer – The Final Countdown (Europe Cover) (YSI)

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Virt – Freddie Freeloader (Miles Davis Cover) (YSI)

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A Valentimely Covers Post

Edward — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 04:30:38 +0000

This was a dumb decade.

In my mind, the 80’s were responsible for 4 worthwhile things, and the remaining portion of those 10 years showed painful aberrations instead of progress. Those four, in order from least to most important, were: Back to the Future, the best of Prince’s career, Back to the Future II, and Edward Gottfried. However, if I had to stretch that list of four out to a list of five, settling in at #5 would be A-ha’s immortal “Take on Me.” (And, if we were talking about a top 6, I’d prolly give Flock of Seagulls haircuts a shoutout.) Anyway, as the title probably made you aware, SOMEONE recently covered that 80’s masterpiece. But I won’t tell you until after the break. Oh sweet god the suspense, right?

AC Newman. It’s AC Newman. New Pornographers frontman AC Newman covered A-ha’s “Take on Me.” That’s who did this cover. “And why,” you ask, “is this so ‘Valentimely?’ Also, you know it’s ‘Valentine’s’ day, right?” I’ll answer those questions in reverse order. Valentimes is serious times, and how dare you question my spelling. And this cover is Valentimely, because it originally appeared on a Valentine’s Day special compilation put out by that modern-day Cupid, Starbucks. Anyway, enjoy this, in which Newman strips the song down from its original electro-goodness to acoustic somethingity. I guess he makes it sound more like a love song. It’s definitely almost unrecognizable, but very cool. Check it:

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Take on Me – AC Newman (zshare)

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Take on Me – A-ha (zshare)

And maybe buy the album or something.

Also, to recap the top 10 of the 80’s, in my honest, if not humble, opinion:

Edward Gottfried (thaaaaat’s me!)
Back to the Future II
Prince’s good albums
Back to the Future (I)
“Take on Me”
Flock of Seagulls hair-dos
Duck Hunt
Muppet Babies
The Indiana Jones Trilogy
Full House

What have I left off?

The Grammy Awards (an overly long guide by Marquis Meowers)

marquismeowmersiv — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 01:37:17 +0000

Fuck.

Well, here were are again. Another year, another black president, another round of Grammy Awards… the sad cycle of life continues. The 51st annual (really semi-annual, go look at the Wikipedia page) were filled with really shitty awards (surprise surprise) and some truly awesome performances. Below the jump is my recap and commentary on this year’s Grammy Awards… but be forewarned. The path is filled with overly pretentious opinions, stupid jokes, spelling errors, grammar errors, and hobgoblins of the worst variety.

Please note, there are NO MP3’s below the jump. Videos only! With that said…

Let’s start with a little recap:

When I first read the nominations, I was filled with quite a bit of joy. While Fucked Up had (unfortunately) not been recognized for The Chemistry of Common Life, a number of great artists were recognized for their 2008 creations. M.I.A’s Paper Planes was up for “Best Song That Was Overplayed and Then Became The Official Anthem of Sorority Sisters Trying To Be ‘independent’ Or Something”. Uffie wannabe ‘Duffy’ was nominated 3 times for something or other, and The Academy seemed to love that ‘wacky’ Sgt. Pepper cover group Coldplay:

Hey Coldplay, Paul McCartney called. He told me to tell you to stop making references to him whenever you receive awards.

Additionally, several really good artists were nominated for various awards, like Lupe Fiasco (The Cool, Best Rap Album), Estelle and Kanye (American Boy, best duo rap performance, Song of the Year), Béla Fleck & The Flecktones (Jingle All The Way, Best Pop Instrumental Album), Beck (That new album that everyone keeps telling me to listen to but I haven’t yet sorry Carl, Best Alternative Rock Album), and Radiohead (OMG Thom Yorke, Best Alternative Rock Album)

Finally, there were a few independent artists who were given niche nominations just so The Academy can say “look, we’re hip too” like No Age (Nouns, Best Type Face or something), Justice/MGMT (Eletric Feel (Justice Remix), There Is A Best Remix Category???), and essentially Kimya Dawson (Juno Soundtrack, Best album that made me HATE The Moldy Peaches).

To say the least, I liked the outlook of this years awards. Maybe the deserving will be rewarded this year…

So, Marquis, how were the results???

Frankly… pretty fucking poor. As predicted, the results heavily favored sales and ‘ass kissery’ over talent or artistic integrity. For instance, Hot Chip lost “Best Dance Track” (’track’ was the 420th word of this post… lol) to Daft Punk, Lil Wayne beat out Lupe for “Best Rap Album”, and Metallica won “Best Metal Performance”, despite the fact that Dragonforce was nominated.

The biggest winners of the night were probably Robert Plant and Allison Krauss, who won the “major awards” despite the fact that their album had lukewarm reception from all the critics who actually critique music rather than giving an album a write-up and slapping an ‘x out of 5′ score to it (I’m looking at you Allmusic, Rolling Stone, Blender, etc.). I’ve only heard a few songs from the album, all of which are forgettable. I thought its overall merit was based on the fact that Plant had finally made something post-Zep that wasn’t horrendous, which is an assumption I garnered from all the positive reviews focused mostly on that aspect of the album, (in addition to Krauss’s voice [which is, admittedly, beautiful]). (EDITOR’S NOTE: I found Raising Sand pretty solid, though definitely not “album-of-the-year-good.” Still, definitely worth a spin. — Edw.)

Even the cool awards went to the profitable rather than the creative, with No Age losing “Best Packaging” to Metallica (are you fucking kidding me?) and best “non-Classical Producer” going to Rick Rubin (album listed: Red Album by Weezer, Death Magnetic by Metallica, and Seeing Things by Jakob Dylan [lol]) instead of Will.i.Am (American Boy, Pick It Up amongst other great pop songs) or Danger Mouse (Modern Guilt by Beck [sorry Carl], The Odd Couple by Gnarls, and Attack and Release by The Black Keys. Essentially, a really well known guy who produced a bunch of super mediocre albums (except for The Red Album, but I didn’t see Rivers Cuomo getting an award so…) beat out several people who produced at least one really good album/song. Additionally, Rick Rubin sits at a console adjusting levels, while both Danger Mouse and Will.i.Am ACTUALLY produce (lay down backing beats) songs. You decide who actually deserves an award…

But you knew that was going to happen, dumbass. Why did you bother watching?

Not gonna lie, I was excited about the performances. And, boy, did they deliver. I was a tad worried after U2 (they’re still a group?) and that weird ensemble of Al Greene, Boyz 2 Men, Keith Urban, and JT both gave pretty forgettable performances, but my faith in the power of an awards show was revitalized after Coldplay teamed up with Jay Z to give a spectacular duet before hitting the crowd with the all-too-catchy ‘Viva La Vida’. Kid Rock’s performance is worth watching just for the humorous sampling of Sweet Home Alabama in All Summer Long, and Jenifer Hudson delivered her single “You Pulled Me Through” with force… she has a seriously beautiful voice:

However, shit never takes off unless Kanye is involved, and the live Grammy performances are no exception. Though the mixing might have been off for Estelle and Kanye’s duet on American Boy, both Kanye’s energy and Estelle’s vocal talents were totally on. Not to forget ‘Kanye West’s Multi-directional-light-reflecting Coat of Dreams”:

(a higher quality video can be found here)

Seriously, could it get any better?

Yes.

Yes, it most definitely can. The introduction of the “Rap Pack” had me obsessed with this performance of ‘Swagga Like Us’ before the music even began. But the group managed to one-up their own introduction by appearance alone. Not only was M.I.A deep in the throws of full-on pregnancy, but T.I, Jay-Z, Kanye West, and lil’ fucking Wayne were all wearing tuxedos and amazing sunglasses. Lil’ Wanye’s name is high-lighted because his tux was custom tailored to have baggy slacks. AWESOME. I can’t use words to describe how high energy the performance was, so I’ll just roll the video:

(a much much higher quality rip can be found here)

I really hope that this group keeps making music together. In addition to having a nickname already picked out for them, they make some amazing music. Can you really go wrong with the 4 biggest names in rap? Well, probably yes, but they’ve easily got at least one GREAT album that would appeal to both the “indie Pitchfork” and “frat house Rolling Stone” crowds. KANYE IF YOU ARE READING THIS MAKE IT HAPPEN.

I guess Radiohead performed (OMG Thom Yorke):

[googlevideo=http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5175317999285072447&hl=en]

Lastly (and I am skipping quite a few performances here, because most of them were boring except for Dave Grohl ROCKING THE FUCK OUT with Paul McCartney) I found Weezy’s solo performance to be mentionable. I thought the arrangement was well planned, though the amount of political commentary was a little over the top. Robin Thicke can still sing (holy crap…).

So, what was the best part of the night?

BLINK 182 REUNION

I’m not sure if I can explain just how happy this makes me. Granted, their new album will probably sound like a combination of +44 and Angels and Airwaves (re: horseshit) but that’s okay. That fact that there is a remote chance of Tom DeLonge singing about “M.I.L.F’s”, dog crap, and hand jobs again makes me SO HAPPY. Not to mention the fact that there is now a remote chance of my ultimate 8th grade fantasy coming true: a Blink 182 and Weezer tour (maybe Tenacious D will open). Seriously.

Any last words, Marquis?

No. Why did I do this instead of my homework. I hope you didn’t actually read all of that.

Not Even February Can Keep the Covers from Comin': "Valerie"

Edward — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 08:59:01 +0000

Bitch, You Crazy!

Amy Winehouse, in addition to being certifiably insane, is quite a vocalist. Did you know that? Back in 2007 (remember the past?) another crazy brit, Mark Ronson, delivered a highly passable album, Version, which contained a couple of gems. One of those gems was Amy Winehouse’s delicious cover of the Zutons’s “Valerie.” It’s a funkified version, but that’s not to say the original isn’t funky, too. Let’s just say that both of versions of this song are Animal Show-endorsed to help you get through February.

[audio http://boxstr.com/files/4768342_0i7ux/Valerie%20%28Featuring%20Amy%20Winehouse%29.mp3]

Valerie (featuring Amy Winehouse) – Mark Ronson

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Valerie – The Zutons

Purchase Version. Or the Zutons’s album. I’m not picky. Just support the artists, man.

THE ANIMAL SHOW STILL LOVES BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN

Edward — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 04:14:31 +0000

THAT IS ALL.

Covers (and remixes) that reinvent the double axle hemi truck

marquismeowmersiv — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 23:41:54 +0000

This is Cleatus. He loves football. Today is his Wookie Life Day.

Allo, Marquis Meowmers IV here. I’d love to say that I have new things to share with you all, but I don’t. I’ve been on a big early 90’s Shoe Gaze / late-60’s Garage Surf kick, but I don’t feel like writing about that right now because the Super Bowl is almost on. Now, I figured that Edward would have given you all a large posting of Bruce crap to bathe in, since he (Bruce, not Edward) is the half-time entertainment and all, but that big jerk face (Edward, not Bruce) didn’t. Instead, I will give you something 20 times better: a riddle!!! So, what has nothing to do with any of the words written before this sentence, is 20 blogyears old, and is only semi-animal related?

The answer???

A SEAN KINGSTON COVER BY DEER TICK! These loveable little scamps from the beautiful farmlands of Brooklyn, NY play a seriously awesome, country-fried cover of Kingston’s Beautiful Girls, that track that hit it big sometime in 2007 and pissed everyone off by summer of 2008. Luckily, Deer Tick reinvent it nicely, giving the song a nice new feeling of authenticity (sorry Sean Kingston… at least the production was nice).

Additionally, in celebration of The Super Bowl / Fox Sports’ football mascot Cleatus, I give you a remix of FOX’s NFL theme song. DJ’s take note, I expect to here this at every fucking club ever.

Now I’m off to go eat chips and dip, corn bread, and a homemade chili with 3 DIFFERENT KINDS OF MEAT IN IT. Drew is jealous. HAPPY SUPER BOWL (fuck you Kurt Warner)!!!

Deer Tick – Beautiful Girls

FOX NFL Theme Song (Techno Remix)

(EDITOR’S NOTE: WOO BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN!)

Lil Wayne Totally One-Ups Kanye

Edward — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 20:49:45 +0000

Wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. Also, this guitar looks like Kenny Chesney would be attached to it. It's completely country. Couldn't you have picked a cooler guitar, Carter? Like maybe a SWORDITAR. That would be totally Weezy.Weezy the slayer -- WEEZY THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS. Oh man, that's awesome. You should title your next album that. As long as it's not a rock album. Because you're a rapper, dumbass, and noone would pay to hear you play guitar with your hand full of thumbs if you weren't already well-known. Asshole. But I'm gonna totally buy a sworditar and slay you with my tasty, steel-bladed rock, probably screaming something climactic and awesome like, "It's time for my solo now!" Which would be nice. And would teach you a thing or two about rockin', Wayne. Because I know rockin'...

Hey, remember Kanye? Remember that time he put out an album of auto-tune warbling? Well, Lil Wayne thinks he can follow suit and just march out of the nice niche he’s made himself and venture into the world of rock. Someone’s been playing too much Guitar Hero, and it’s not just those guys who lived down the hall from me last year. Seriously, though, I was willing to give Kanye a chance, and he delivered a grower of an album, so no complaints there. With Wayne, I’m not as optimistic.

First of all, I think the only reason Kanye succeeded is because he bared his soul. Cliche as it may sound, Kanye seriously showed an emotional range which was simultaneously shocking and accessible. It was a gamble, and it paid off. The other thing Kanye did right is he made his own sound. He took auto-tune to the next level, making it the focus of a whole album, and symbolic of the sort of the correction he sought in his life throughout 808s.

Weezy has no such noble aspirations. This is Weezy taking on Axl. Seriously, dude, not everyone with dreads can rock. Hell, Axl can’t even rock all that well.

Unfortunately, this song isn’t terrible. That would make this all too easy. It’s decent. That’s the most I’ll give it. I don’t think I’d listen to it if it weren’t Weezy, but he’s probably counting on that. And when he does release his Rock Opus, hereafter referred to as Weezy’s Democracy, I’m sure I’ll give it a listen. Maybe not two, but it’ll get a spin.

The Single:

Prom Queen -Lil Wayne

And how Weezy should sound:

Yes ft. Pharrell – Lil Wayne